First thing is Beast Creeak on the map should be spelled Beast Creek.
The rest should be.
Find the Rod of Dragon's Fire and you shall be rewarded 200 gold coins. You can find this mighty artifact in the old Dragon Temple. The old Dragon Temple is beyond the Goblin Mountains located on the map. Beware of the dangerous guardian.
@godgunner Sounds a bit more polished and elegant to me, indeed; from a nn-speaker point of view that is. I had been thinking about suggesting a definite article before "the" Goblin Mountains, but then again didn't think it necessary, and kept it nice & short. But that's just a matter of preferences, I believe.
By the way, I did not - shame on me - pay attention to the map-part of the picture. Good thinking! The "a" in 'Beast Creek' should not be there. And while we're at it, and you spelled it 'Creek', shouldn't CAPITAL letters always be used in all the names?! I.e. "Spider Forest", "Dragon Temple", and the like.
I agree with all of the above ("beware", "Creek"). It looks good. I am looking forward to seeing this, especially the Spider Forest and Dragon Temple. Keep up the good word, Rastakax!
Now everyone. Try to read with an Irish accent and I think it sounds more ominous :D
godgunner: Question, why "Dragon's" and not "Dragon" alone, speaking in an old styled English shouldn't the 's be somewhat ignored? just curious, not correction. Not a grammar expert myself.
How about this? Find the Rod of Dragon's Fire and you shall be rewarded 200 gold coins. You can find this mighty artefact in the old Dragon Temple. The old Dragon Temple is beyond the Goblin Mountains located on the map. Beware of the hideous guardian.
”Rod of Dragon Fire” is in that way things use to be named in D&D Yes “Old Dragon Temple” is mean to be a place that is associated with dragon lore. Maybe “hideous guardian” is more horrifying than a “dangerous” guardian?
@ias Yep, looked it up on dict.leo.org. See, in my native language (i.e. German) we say 'Artefakt', so the version with an 'i' looks kinda funny to me.
This post maybe not is so wonderful.
It’s a request abut help to make the English text better and free from error.
I’m grateful for help.
Well, being a non-native speaker of English myself, I am probably not the right person to give advice.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am pretty sure that it has to be "BEWARE of the hideous guardian". The rest sounds fine to me, actually.
I am native-English, and it looks fine to me except for "Beware of the hideous guardian", as above. :)
ReplyDeleteI'll help.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing is Beast Creeak on the map should be spelled Beast Creek.
The rest should be.
Find the Rod of Dragon's Fire and you shall be
rewarded 200 gold coins. You can find this
mighty artifact in the old Dragon Temple. The
old Dragon Temple is beyond the Goblin Mountains located on the map. Beware of the
dangerous guardian.
Reward paid out by Lord Rastakax.
@godgunner
ReplyDeleteSounds a bit more polished and elegant to me, indeed; from a nn-speaker point of view that is. I had been thinking about suggesting a definite article before "the" Goblin Mountains, but then again didn't think it necessary, and kept it nice & short. But that's just a matter of preferences, I believe.
By the way, I did not - shame on me - pay attention to the map-part of the picture. Good thinking! The "a" in 'Beast Creek' should not be there. And while we're at it, and you spelled it 'Creek', shouldn't CAPITAL letters always be used in all the names?! I.e. "Spider Forest", "Dragon Temple", and the like.
Have a nice weekend, everyone.
Cheers, Jess
I've tried to have a look myself, but everything has been said already. :)
ReplyDeletegodgunner version is very good, and after the suggested corrections the map should be fine as well!
I agree with all of the above ("beware", "Creek"). It looks good. I am looking forward to seeing this, especially the Spider Forest and Dragon Temple. Keep up the good word, Rastakax!
ReplyDeleteNow everyone.
ReplyDeleteTry to read with an Irish accent and I think it sounds more ominous :D
godgunner: Question, why "Dragon's" and not "Dragon" alone, speaking in an old styled English shouldn't the 's be somewhat ignored? just curious, not correction. Not a grammar expert myself.
its the naming of the place and items.
ReplyDeleteRod of Dragon Fire is technically ok but
but it doesn't show ownership.
Rod of Dragon's Fire means the fire is from a Dragon since it shows ownership.
this would also apply to location
ReplyDeleteOld Dragon Temple could simply mean a place
that is associated with dragon lore. so it
could be simply named after it.
while
Old Dragon's Temple would mean an old dragons
temple where the dragons lives.
How about this?
ReplyDeleteFind the Rod of Dragon's Fire and you shall be
rewarded 200 gold coins. You can find this
mighty artefact in the old Dragon Temple. The
old Dragon Temple is beyond the Goblin Mountains located on the map. Beware of the
hideous guardian.
”Rod of Dragon Fire” is in that way things use to be named in D&D
Yes “Old Dragon Temple” is mean to be a place
that is associated with dragon lore.
Maybe “hideous guardian” is more horrifying than a “dangerous” guardian?
Yes, hideous is more horrifying than dangerous. And artefact should be artifact.
ReplyDelete@i_am_sirrinder
ReplyDeleteThat depends, whether you're using American English (artifac) in comparison to British English (artefact).
I had to look that up, though.
;-)
@JCD: Serious? In Britain it's spelled artefact? Okay Rastakax, artefact looks fine.
ReplyDelete@ias
ReplyDeleteYep, looked it up on dict.leo.org. See, in my native language (i.e. German) we say 'Artefakt', so the version with an 'i' looks kinda funny to me.
(o_O)